Body Image

I recently have been struggling with my body image.  It’s odd, because I know fully well that it is what’s on the inside that counts, and that the only people who judged me by my appearance were the ones whose esteem I didn’t value.

Understand, I have never been by any means overweight.  I’ve always been relatively thin.  My fear was not so much that I was fat, as that I would become overweight.

I began analyzing my body in the mirror, looking at my thighs, my belly, my arms, etc.  I found flaws everywhere.  And I started paying attention to what I ate, and thinking about calories.  I guess I should mention that I get a lot of comments on my body from my family.  Let me give you some examples.

younger brother: You have an enormous butt…. You’re so fat…. her gigantic butt is in my way….

dad: If you start getting close to 130 pounds you should probably slim down…. You should probably be a little underweight, for health reasons…

mom: you’re too skinny… if anything she needs to gain weight… you are extremely skinny….  she’s like *this* big around… I was never that small… I never wore a size 4!

basically every female relative: YOU’RE SKINNY.

I officially don’t believe any of those.  On the 5th of this month, the day after I had been stunned and rather hurt by my mom’s accusations of “restrictive eating”, and staring in the mirror wondering if I really had lost that much weight, and if I was too skinny, I looked in the mirror again, and realized that I like how I look.

I know that I am a healthy weight.  I think I look good.  I will not give license to people’s negative comments on my appearance.  I do not want to lose weight.  I do not want to gain weight.  I will not eat past satisfaction, nor will I let myself go hungry.  Furthermore, I will wear makeup because I want to, not because I “have” to.  I will wash my face, but realize acne is a force of nature, not to be controlled.  I will wear clothes that I am comfortable in.  I will not spend hours on my hair unless I make the time and I want to.  How I look is hardly the most important thing about me.  And in my private opinion, which you all have the right to disagree with,

                                                               I am friggin’ sexy.