Theoretical Heartbreak

Do you ever just want a pair of arms to cry into?  Strong arms, or rather, a strong person who will comfort you and tell you everything will be okay.

My ships are sailing. Translation: Two of my closest friends have recently started dating the guys I’ve shipped them with for years.  I am really overjoyed, because they are really good matches.  But I am also saddened, because things must change.  It makes sense to go to your significant other for advice, to tell stories, and share secrets.  That will take precedence over sharing with your good friend, as it should I suppose.

What if all of my friends get married to amazing people, perfect matches for them, and I am left alone?  I guess I don’t have a problem being single until all of my friends have significant others. and are walking on air.

I wonder if my friends actually consider me an important person in their lives.  I wonder if any has been or will ever be in love with me, and won’t be put off by my excessive emotions, quirky habits, and all of my imperfections.

I could be a nun.  But I still need friends.  I have learned the lesson that I need other people, not just God.  Of course, I need God above all, but I have had to swallow my pride and accept that I cannot live without other human beings.

I love my youth group.  I truly, deeply love them.  I was imagining a what-if scenario where I had to be parted from them permanently, and I confess that I cried in the shower.  My heart would break.

I feel stupid for being so emotional.  Is any sensible person as emotional as I am? Am I a ninny? Will anyone understand what I’m feeling and not judge me for it?  Again, I feel ashamed of my insecurity.

Whew.  This is my most open post so far.  No hateful comments, please.  I just needed to write.  Thank you for your patience.


Time for Some Self-Reflection

     Well, as of Monday, it is Great Lent for me and all of my Orthodox Christian brothers and sisters.  I have stopped playing mobile games and watching humorous YouTube videos (though speaking of which, you should check out Studio C).  I am also effectively made a vegan, and rice, Oreos, and pasta are a great blessing.

      I have been thinking for some weeks that what I really needed was Great Lent.  I have repeated patterns of laziness, binge-watching Downton Abbey or Star Trek: TNG, being rude to my neighbors, and in general becoming an a-hole.  I need a change.

     And this time of fasting and repentance, to be ultimately followed by Easter, or Pascha, gives me the opportunity to slow down for awhile and really examine myself and what I’m doing.  It’s also an excellent chance for Spring cleaning and planting spinach, but that’s secondary.

     When I start taking my life for granted, I become careless and despondent.  I play Village Life and forget that my life is temporary.  I get wrapped up in domestic affairs and the rights and wrongs of my six siblings behavior, and I forget to analyze mine.

     So I intend to spend Great Lent working on self-improvement, primarily spiritually, but also mentally, emotionally, socially, and physically.  I will began learning new guitar chords.  I will write more.  I will get outside and listen to the birds, feel the wind on my face, and get some exercise.  I will spend time in silence, simply enjoying the aura of my life, and listening to every sound, feeling every bit of material touches my skin, and really appreciating both the fullness and emptiness of life.

     I may try to blog more before Pascha, but no promises.  Thanks for subscribing!

                                                                                            Peace Out,


Sex? Meh.

I am now fifteen years old.  Which is kind of an awesome age.  It’s the first age that I truly feel secure with who I am and what my purpose in life is.

Thirteen and fourteen were generally sucky for me.  That was partly my fault, no doubt, and there was constant angst and anxiety.  And my circumstances supported instability.  My parents literally went to court and divorced the day after my thirteenth birthday.  Then I was in the path for an unending stream of events, including custody battles, a new school, mom struggling to find a good job, new friends, new crushes, new feelings, and in general, confusion.

Now, I hope you can see that this was an extremely volatile period in my life.  I was learning more about the world and about myself, and please be patient with me, I will get to my point.

Sex. I suppose nearly every teenager of that age is fascinated by that once-forbidden subject, which is now so glorified in the media, and so hushed up at home.  And now boys were so much more interesting; the knowledge that they are so fundamentally different from yourself was enough to have you pondering for days.

Of course I went a little boy-crazy in middle school.  And since I go to a tiny school where all ages are kind of lumped in together, of course in the Spring of 2015 I fell in love with an attractive, older, insecure, manipulative guy, right?  Ugh.  Let’s not go into that.

Anyway, now that my life and priorities have somewhat leveled out, I can honestly say that the idea of sex isn’t really appealing to me.  I am not asexual, and I do experience attraction, but I don’t particularly care if nothing happens beyond that.  Sex is weird.

If I marry, than of course I’ll have sex. I’m sure it will be delightful, if other people’s descriptions carry truth.  But I don’t look forward to it; I am not so perpetually fascinated by the secrets of the bedroom as I once was.  And I think that’s okay.

Au revoir,






Body Image

I recently have been struggling with my body image.  It’s odd, because I know fully well that it is what’s on the inside that counts, and that the only people who judged me by my appearance were the ones whose esteem I didn’t value.

Understand, I have never been by any means overweight.  I’ve always been relatively thin.  My fear was not so much that I was fat, as that I would become overweight.

I began analyzing my body in the mirror, looking at my thighs, my belly, my arms, etc.  I found flaws everywhere.  And I started paying attention to what I ate, and thinking about calories.  I guess I should mention that I get a lot of comments on my body from my family.  Let me give you some examples.

younger brother: You have an enormous butt…. You’re so fat…. her gigantic butt is in my way….

dad: If you start getting close to 130 pounds you should probably slim down…. You should probably be a little underweight, for health reasons…

mom: you’re too skinny… if anything she needs to gain weight… you are extremely skinny….  she’s like *this* big around… I was never that small… I never wore a size 4!

basically every female relative: YOU’RE SKINNY.

I officially don’t believe any of those.  On the 5th of this month, the day after I had been stunned and rather hurt by my mom’s accusations of “restrictive eating”, and staring in the mirror wondering if I really had lost that much weight, and if I was too skinny, I looked in the mirror again, and realized that I like how I look.

I know that I am a healthy weight.  I think I look good.  I will not give license to people’s negative comments on my appearance.  I do not want to lose weight.  I do not want to gain weight.  I will not eat past satisfaction, nor will I let myself go hungry.  Furthermore, I will wear makeup because I want to, not because I “have” to.  I will wash my face, but realize acne is a force of nature, not to be controlled.  I will wear clothes that I am comfortable in.  I will not spend hours on my hair unless I make the time and I want to.  How I look is hardly the most important thing about me.  And in my private opinion, which you all have the right to disagree with,

                                                               I am friggin’ sexy.


Presidential Candidate review: Bernie Sanders

For my second Presidential candidate review, I’ve chosen Bernie Sanders.  Why?  Because I think he’ll be easy to write about.

Now the whole “socialist” aspect of Mr. Sanders has attracted a lot of attention.  Socialism is of course directly against American values, at least, the original American values established in the Constitution.  He wants to tax the Charles Dickens out of the rich and let the poor go to college for free.

Sure it might sound nice.  But I believe people should work to earn what they get, and then keep it.  Some will be rich; some will be poor.  We can’t all be on the same level.  And we are certainly not entitled to an education!

And here, possibly the biggest reason I cannot support Sandy:


“The decision about abortion is a decision for a woman and her doctor to make, not the government. I will not allow the right wing to deny women control over their own bodies by forcing clinics to close, extending waiting periods, or inventing other methods that create de facto abortion bans. Roe v. Wade is the law of the land and must remain so.”  -Bernie Sanders

Now if you know me, you should know that I’m about as pro-life as they get.  But that’ll be another post…

To sum it up, if you want to rise to the top, if you want to get an education, if you want to break generational poverty, then you have to WORK.  And yeah, even that might not make you rich.  But guess what?  You are not entitled to ANYTHING.  It is not the government’s job to give you what you think you deserve.

Signing out,



Presidential Candidate review: Donald Trump

Not having an abundance of ideas, I have decided to give my opinion on the subject which so many Americans are watching unfold with anxiety.  The 2016 Presidential Election! Woo!

After you all have either cheered, groaned, or started thinking about ways to kill me, I shall give you my honest opinion on our dear Mr. Trump.

Donald Trump is a very wealthy man.  Although he inherited a large sum from his father, he has worked hard to get to where he is now, and has built onto his wealth so much that a couple billion is pretty much meaningless to him.  This makes him really an uncontrollable candidate, because he doesn’t owe anyone.  He can pay his own way through the Presidential race; endorsements are virtually meaningless on him.

Now, I have to confess that part of me is a huge Trump supporter.  Part of me, and not the logical or prominent part.  I guess he’s exciting.  When I hear him in the debates, he makes me want to like him. I feel like if he got elected, something big would happen.  I don’t know if it would be a good thing or a bad, but deep down, I thirst for revolution.  And if I believed that Trump believes what he says, I would be in grave danger of appalling all my friends and cheering for the Donald.  Well… maybe.

But after hearing that Mr.Trump donated money to Hillary Clinton’s campaign, and that he has gone from total liberal to apparent conservative, does not make me more inclined to trust him.  I am afraid he will steal votes from the republicans and hand the election to Hillary Clinton.  I do wonder how he feels about Bernie Sanders.  And I cannot ignore Trump’s racism, immaturity, and overall ridiculousness.

Anyway, I hope I get a chance to share with you my view on the other candidates, and please comment and tell me your opinion because I truly am interested.

Allons-y! –



Greetings Fellow Americans!  Popcorn is indeed a worthy topic.

Originating, I believe, from the American Indians, popcorn is a slightly healthier alternative to other snacks.  Not that it’s high in nutrition, but it’s lacking in the fat and calories so many foods in First world countries are filled with.

Plus, popcorn is very versatile.  There are popcorn balls, jello popcorn, sour cream and onion popcorn, buffalo wing popcorn, microwaveable popcorn, Grinch popcorn (Melted white chocolate with green food coloring drizzled over popcorn with red m&ms stirred in [got that from my counselor]), the list goes on.  And always, ALWAYS, salute good ole salt and butter popcorn.  I actually know a family who used to swear by popcorn in a glass of milk.

Thank you for reading, and have a wonderful Thanksgiving!  If you have any popcorn “recipes” you’d like to share, please comment below.

Happy Thanksgiving,


Not Politics

Yeah, yeah, it’s been a while.

It has been pointed out to me that my blog thus far has been rather political.  I apologize.  I never intended this to be a political blog, though politics were sure to come up.  I plan to use this blog to give my opinion out on various topics, anything from gay marriage to onions.

How are you all?  Life has been busy.  My school choir is doing ‘How the Grinch Stole Christmas’ and I get to be– dun dun DUN– Narrator 1!  Hey, I set the scene for the whole play.

If you like, suggest topics in the comments and I’ll think about writing on them.



“Like an American”

I think I should explain why my blog is called “live your life like an American”.  Mainly the “American” part.  By “American”, I don’t  necessarily mean the people who live in America right now.   Geographical location isn’t totally void,  but it is only a small factor in my mind.

Our country was founded on the basic principles of freedom–freedom of religion, freedom of speech, freedom to bear arms, etc.  It’s all in the Constitution.  Strong, historical figures such as George Washington and Paul Revere are remembered for what they did for this country, not for their money or kindness.

The fact is, there was a time when most every man, woman, or child was prepared to make great sacrifices for independence.  Remember the minute-men?   So many of them were slain in fights, and yet they were still determined and ready to fight in a minute.

I have very little faith that more than a few thousand Americans(if that) would be willing to lose everything for their independence.  Indeed, it is exceedingly easier to lay back and let the government take care of everything.   Be good, pay your taxes, and have your favorite celebrity politicians.  But some of us do not want that.

I can not honestly say that I would sacrifice everything for America as it is today.  Back then, yes, in a heart beat.  But today, nuh-uh.  I mean, come on.  Planned Parenthood?

I think there is the possibility of another civil war; a revolution that would change everything.   Or not.   But if there is, be sure you know what side your on.

May the odds be ever in your favor,


Gay Marriage

Finally people are cooling down a bit about the recent Supreme Court rulings regarding same-sex marriages in the U.S.  I am an Orthodox Christian, and have strong feelings on the subject.

Although I oppose gay marriage and believe that romantic relationships between members of the same sex is wrong and are clearly condemned in the Bible, I believe people have the right to make their own choice whether to actually engage in relationships with people of the same gender.  Neither the government nor anyone else can force people to live a certain way, or to marry a certain way.

People say that they were born a specific way and that they cannot change who they are.  I agree. Some people are born with an attraction to the same sex.  But it’s all about the choice.  They can choose to obey the scriptures and abstain from sexual relations, or they can marry gay.  Also, your sexuality does not define who you are, just to clarify.

Don’t get me wrong.  God loves gay people just as much as anyone else.  They are after all, just people.  There is no need to give them special attention.  Love them and respect them; we all sin, and this is no different.  I cannot impress this enough: THEY ARE PEOPLE.  Take care of and pray for them like anyone else.

Now the Supreme Court rulings themselves came as absolutely zero surprise to me.  It was inevitable.

So, just everybody chill and get along.

Live long and Prosper,


P.S. Many Orthodox clergy in America, including his Beatitude the Metropolitan Tikhon, signed a letter regarding same-sex marriage. It may be found here, if you are interested.